FABIANNA'S PARTY

Ok, we really fucked up on Saturday because we spent the first half of the day shopping for things for the party but the second half buying clothes and going to Concord Mills. So Saturday we didn't get to do shit.

On Sunday, my mom started shit at 6:30 am and by the time I woke up at my house around 7:30 am Felicia had already finished her green bean casserole (God knows how long she'd been up). So I head to my mom's to start getting everything ready. From 8 am until 11 am we spent running round town buying more things. Bear in mind, the party started at 1:30 pm. Finally we get home and we start running like crazy trying to get everything done. Finally 1:30 rolled around and we were maybe, at best 3/4 finished. The decorations weren't up, some of the food wasn't ready and the tables and chairs were not arranged.

Fortunately, nobody showed up until a little after 2 pm and the first people were Coni and her clan. Coni, being a friend of the family, helped get most of the stuff ready so by the time the guests started arriving most of the stuff was done. It was fucking hectic though.

So the party got started and the clown arrived just in time. Enough kids were there by the time the clown arrived and they had a ball. From there, everything went smoothly and the party was awesome.

I want to immensely thank Ryan and Jessica for DJ the party for FREE!!. He has an awesome system and the greatest selection of music if you ever need a DJ in the Charlotte area. After all the kids left, Ryan, Jessica, Sharmeen, Felicia, Serg, Ricky and I started getting drunk and dancing until we couldn't dance no mo'. lol. The Bean was dancing like she had never danced before and it was a great way to end the night.

Here are some pictures.


This is where Yippie took a picture with most of the kids

This is Yippie himself in all his ethereal glory

Jess (Ryan's wife), The Bean and Felicia

The Bean trying to break the piñata

Yuppi made and gave Fabi a bracelet made out of a balloon

Fabi with her cake

The bean and my mom next to the piñata

The cake, it was supposed to be all Elmo but when Felicia went to pick it up they made it more like a Xmas cake. The girl said that there was nothing in the order noted regarding an Elmo cake. Felicia fought the girl until at least she gave her the Elmo figurines for free.

You can see the rest of the pictures here.

2004

A survey I found online

What did you do in 2004 that you'd never done before?
Father two girls
Did you keep your new year's resolution and will you make more for next year?
No and no.
Did anyone close to you give birth?
Felicia, my wife and Khali a friend.
Did anyone close to you die?
Not that I can recall.
What countries did you visit?
None
What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004
Financial stability and a better paying job.
What date from 204 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
The day Tati was born because it's pretty self explanatory.
What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Not getting fired from GCS
What was your biggest failure
Not finding a better job which lead to the second biggest failure which is not providing Felicia and the girls the lifestyle they deserve.
Did you suffer illness or injury?
No, my back is getting worse and for the past month from time to time I've experience this unbearable pain in my right ear... but that's it.
What was the best thing you bought?
CONDOMS!!!!
Whose behavior merited celebration
Surely not my own! My family for helping us through the worse year we’ve had and Felicia for putting up with me.
Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed
Felicia’s family on her dad’s side, Dina’s and my own behavior at work and dealing with Felicia and the girls at times.
Where did most of your money go?
I’m still trying to figure that out myself... if you have any clues, let me know.
What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Tati’s birth and Fabi’s birthday party (pics coming soon hopefully!)
What song will always remind you of 2004?
Burger King’s Xmas
Compared to this time last year, are you...
· Happier or Sadder?
· Thinner or Fatter?
· Richer or Poorer?
Sadder, Fatter and Poorer...
What do you wish you’d done more of?
Exercise, learn more to manage our finances and spend more quality time with my wife.
What do you wish you’d done less of?
Fuck around at work (and by that I mean not be such a slack and irresponsible).
How will you be spending Christmas?
Like we do every Xmas, Pinky... plotting to take over the world!!!! Actually, at my mom’s house.
How many one-night stands?
NONE!
What was your favorite TV program
I’d say, Viva La Bam, Drawn Together and MythBusters... what can I say, I have a low brow.
Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
YES!
What was your greatest musical discovery?
None that I can think of... most of the music I find online and I didn’t have access to the Internet for most of the year. Late last year though, just to mention something, I found The Bellrays and Vulgaras. OH, you know what? I am lying... I did discover Manntis by watching Battle for Ozzfest. They kick ass.
What was the best book you read?
The Blood Artists by Chuck Hogan.
What did you want and get?
To keep my job.
What was your film of this year?
I didn’t see any movies that were released this year, but if I had to guess it would probably be Saw and The Grudge (I love horror movies).
What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
28 or 29... not sure... I don’t count anymore. I really don’t remember what I did... probably went to eat with my family somewhere.
What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Financial stability.
How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004?
Out of touch... I think I’m becoming my dad... when you walk out to your car or when you drive from point A to point B wearing shorts, a white T-shirt, dress socks and dress shoes just because you won’t stop anywhere on the way means you don’t have the right to sit and watch MTV anymore... hehe.
What kept you sane?
The same three things that drove me to the brink of insanity... Felicia, The Bean and Tati.
Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Nobody
What political issue stirred you the most?
The beheadings in Irak
Who did you miss
No one.
Who was the best person you met?
Ayiana, Jameka (whom I just met a few days ago at work) and every single Donkey Puncher.
Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004
Do not buy frozen food products from the vending machine at your job regardless of how fancy your office is

GOT KIN?

A few days ago (I can't remember exactly when), my mom and I decided that we were going to invite Coni and Patricia to the Bean's party. Coni and Patricia are Serg's friends from when he worked in Cingular Wireless. Well, Coni is married to this guy who has two sisters. We decided we were going to invite them all because they always invite us to their soirees. When my mom was telling me of all the people in their families for a head count I must have been scratching my ass because I don't remember how many it ended up being. When I told Felicia I figured it would be no more than 10 including kids and adults.

Last night, after I got home from work Serg called and asked me if I knew exactly how many people I'd invited just by inviting Patricia and her sisters. I gave him my little estimate and he called me a fucking idiot... Anyway, he told me that all together, not counting Patricia, her husband, teenage daughter and two kids, I'd invited approximately 25 people!!!!! 25 FUCKING MEXICANS!!!! WTF? How the fuck do we reproduce at those rates???? I started freaking out cuz that alone is more than the people me and Felicia invited collectively. My mom gets all pissed at me thinking I am blaming her and it turns into a big mess. So finally I just say fuck it (that's how I usually resolve 99% of the problems in my life) and said we'll just deal with it. The main, and practically only problem will be finding chairs to sit all their asses down. I am hoping Felicia's step dad comes through with tables and chairs from his church otherwise we're fucked.

I am also a bit concerned about the weather. Yahoo says that it's going to be 50 degrees on Sunday. I am hoping it's hotter than that because I want to hold the party in the backyard not inside.

Wednesday Whatevers.
1. Should Christmas be a national holiday and why?
NO! Not everyone, as much as this comes as a shock to some, is a Christian

2. What does punctuation do?
It separates us from them...

3. Why are laws made?
To be broken... Ha! that was SOOO cliche... I'm such a rebel



Well, that's all.

YIPPIE THE CLOWN REPORTING FOR DUTY

Well, today I called Yippie to be at Fabi's party and he agreed to do it for a measly $95. The whole show will last approximately one hour and comes with all types of fun entertainment goodies. Actually, I didn't know clown charged almost $100 for an hour but I guess it seems right for what they do. We have almost everything ready for Fabi's party. The invitations have been sent out and we ended up with more people than we expected. Hopefully everything will turn out ok.

Nothing more to say....

ENGRISH IS DA BOMB! (do cool kids still say "Da Bomb"? Probably not)

We fight you long time..


Taken from Engrish.com

BIG AZ

We, well actually, I decided that the Bean's party will be held on December 19, at 1:30 pm. Me and Felicia had a bit of a struggle because to me this is very important but every time we discussed it we ended up in an argument. I felt, and this is me talking, that she just really wasn't into it. She was more concerned in other things like daycare that we can't afford. So, yesterday I took charge of the relationship (of course fearing to death how she was going to react, lol) and told her that I had set the date and decided to do it as my mom's house.

I found several cool links to get ideas as to what to do (I've only thrown one other kid's party for her when she turned 1 but that was only family member's so I didn't have to do much) to entertain the kids. We've obviously gonna use an Elmo/Sesame Street theme since she's an Elmo junkie. So far, we've kept it rather small cuz we don't defecate dollars... we have about 20 kids and 18 adults. Hopefully everything will turn out for the best.

On Monday, I had the bright idea of buying this scrumptious delicatessen from the vending machine at work because I only had like two $1 bills on me.

To top it all off, I finished with this instant meal monstrosity, that I brought from home.


Now, I've never tasted a buffalo's ass, but if I had to guess what a buffalo's ass tasted like, Pierre Food's Hot N' Ready Item #0991 - Sausage, Egg & Cheese Biscuit would be my first (and only) pick. The mere texture of the fucking thing is nauseating... it's a mixture of a moist, oozing piece of cardboard with a little spice. After the second bite, I began to gag and feel utterly sick... I had drink half of my Coke can just the get the half masticated failed experiment down my throat. The Ramen soup didn't help much either.... but I was able to finish the whole damn thing. Being poor sucks! That ought to teach me a lesson, I shall never buy frozen food from a vending machine again... a slow agonizing death while being raped in the ass is more pleasurable than that thing. Interesting fact, they're proud and sure of their product that they lef their nutritional analisys page for this sandwich BLANK!

But then again, what did I expect from the company who brought us the



BIG AZ BURGER!!!!

I haven't done the Wednesday Whatevers in a while... but since I still get them in my email, here they go.

Wednesday Whatevers

1. Do appearances matter, and why?
Hell yeah, cuz we sum shallow m'fuckahs! bling, bling, holla!

2. What does conformity promote?
being chickenshit

3. Why do fads come in and out?

cuz we don't wanna be like our boring ass, chickenshit conformist parents

ARE YOU... DEFECATING INTO A CANTELOUPE?

Wow, I haven't updated this crap in a long ass time...

Mostly out of lazyness as per usual but also becuase for the past couple of months or so we've been getting slammed at work. Fortunately, things have slowed down and I will get a change to update this more often.

I haven't been able to post more pictures because Serg fucked up his Camedia Master 4.x program and I haven't gotten around to hook up my computer. But hopefully this weekend we will fix the house and get the computer up and running.

The Bean turns 2 on December 5. We're thinking of either throwing her a party at Chuck E. Cheese's or at the cabana in our apartment complex. So far we've got like 25 people coming so the Chuck E. Cheese's thing might not be economically smart... we'll see. We want to do a whole Sesame Street theme focusing on none other than that furry red bathmat, Elmo. We were not prepared for the party (actually with all the shit going on right now it kinda snuck up on us) because we had to take Felicia's car for repair a couple of weeks ago and it sent us back about $450. Then the day after we got it from the shop, the back driver tire fell of its rim and that costed us another $68. They told us that all four wheels need to be repaired but we have not money for all that.

Speaking of no money, I was pulled over a week and a half ago for driving with a suspended license, expired tags, expired registration and not inspecting my car for over a year. Ok, so let's disect this.. My license was suspended because I didn't pay my car's property tax last year (property tax for a fucking car? GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK MONEY HUNGRY MOTHERFUCKING HICKS!). I didn't pay it becuase I defecate money and I don't like wasting it on trivial things like vehicle property taxes (sarcarsm, in case you were gonna start bitching). The inspection was not done because last year they came up with this nifty little law that says if your car has the "Check Engine" light on and it's due to the emissiong thingy (whatever the fuck is called) then it won't pass. My car has the thingy on... Serg told me he was charged over $800 to fix that thing. I don't have $800 to waste on my 1996 Nissan 200SX.. shit, the fucking car is not worth $800! And the tag and registrations are expired cuz I can't renew it because they still want their so deserving vehicle tax property money... isn't NC state swell?

I haven't been able to get my ID yet so I haven't really been able to go out anywhere... life as it stands today, sucks ass!

I am a bit upset and disappointed at Felicia and the part that hurts the most is that she either is completely body language illiterate and doesn't know or doesn't wanna deal with it and has said or done nothing to repair it. She knows exactly what happend and why I have been acting the way I have the past few day and nothing. OH but wait, I'm sure she will wait until enough time has passed to say that was a long time ago and turn the tables and be pissed at me making me feel like shit for acting upset... women are so fucking unmercifully conniving!

Ok, that's all I'm typing tonight cuz it's 8:30 pm and I have 30 minutes to finish my last two reports of the day.

Bye.

P.S. No spell check today, so deal with it.

SHUT DOWN, YET AGAIN

Recently, Emily, this lady at work asked me to give her Spanish classes. After a while I couldn't figure out how much to charge her. She didn't just want someone to sit there and repeat words in Spanish with her she wanted to actually be taught. I was an English teacher in Mexico so I offered to help. Well, yesterday she overheard me bitching to James how hard it is for me and Felicia to find a babysitter on the weekends to spend time together. She stated that she would offer to watch after the girls on Friday and Saturday's evenings in exchange for the classes. She is pregnant and extremely nice so I trusted her. When I mentioned it to Felicia she, of course, shut the idea down. She didn't even want to meet her or try to work something out... just flat out no. But now she's hellbent on daycare... and I do not trust daycare at all. So we're in a fucking bind again and now I have to tell Emily that she can't babysit for us and I have to charge her for the classes...

More funny pic's I found online... hehehe, I love these things.

NO INSPIRATION AND JUST PLAIN LAZY

I have really been too lazy and uninspired to update my blog recently. SO quick summary.

I finally met with the Donkey Punchers and me and Felicia had a blast. We went to the costume party and everybody treated us great. Felicia looked amazing in her costume... she had this sorta naughty school girl outfit thing going on but you know.... Black... hehe. I on the other hand just threw on a cheap red robe I found at Wal Mart which I got rid of 20 minutes after I arrived.

Oh yeah, update from the previous blog... When I got home to cook I was missing shitloads of ingredients. Also, the recipe called for rice and when I asked Felicia if we had rice she said yes. Come to find out, we had instant rice but I couldn't use it cuz the recipe called for the damned rice to cook inside the peppers for several hours. I got frustrated and gave up... but I will pick up again soon because I love too cook. Once I am given complete control of buying groceries.

I took Fabi trick or treating on Halloween... she looked so cute in her fairy outfit. I have the pictures but I haven't been able to load them... soon, I will. We went to the Queens Dr. area because my mom's neighborhood is shitty and besides her, nobody else gave out candy. At first she seemed a little disoriented but quickly found out if she followed the kids, someone was gonna give her candy. She was unable to keep up with the other kids though cuz she's so tiny. She had a good time and it was the first time I took my daughter out to Halloween... it was an awesome experience for me... It felt really good.

No, I did not vote... sue me!

That's all I am typing for tonight... I found some pictures online worthy of stealing and posting here....

BAM! KICK IT UP A NOTCH!!!

Since we got cable back I've been unable to go to sleep at a reasonable hour. I've been staying up late watching insect lifestyle national geographic shows, dumb ass MTV shows and infomercials. On Sunday night I stayed up until like 5 am. I really need to put the damned remote down and get some sleep.

So we agreed that from now on I will be cooking around the house. I love to cook but I hate cleaning up. SO we'll see how that works out. Yesterday we went to WalMart to stock up on shit because I got a few recipes. Mostly I will be cooking vegetarian stuff with a few exceptions since I can't let all those carcasses in the freezer go to waste. Felicia is sort of a vegetarian so I don't mind not eating meet while at home cuz I can pretty much eat it elsewhere. Tonight (which the meal is for tomorrow) I will be making Stuffed Bell Peppers and getting ready a Wilted Spinach Salad and another side (still haven't decided what. Tomorrow night I will make spinach casserole (the recipe I got from a book at home so there's no link), and a tofu dish (still haven't decided yet. I think I will take pictures and put them here to show you all (two of you) my masterpieces... haha.

Well, the gas company (cuz the water boiler in our new apartment is powered by gas) company was supposed to come in an turn the gas on. When Felicia called they told her that someone had to be at the house but could not give her an estimated time of arrival. Just sometime during the day today they would arrive. So, she was told to leave the door unlocked all day so they can come in, which I did. I haven't been able to call Felicia to see if they installed the gas yet. I guess I will find out tonight.

That's all

SUNDAY EVENING

Well, it's sunday evening the entire weekend was up to snuff!!!

Friday, as per usual I came to my mom's and Felicia went to her grandparets. I stayed up later than I should have so I got home almost at 6 am. Saturday we spent most of the day trying to fix up the apartment. Trying to get the apartment looking decent with Fabianna and her just-as-annoying little sister is like trying to convince you that Chyna is a woman. We did get a lot accomplised and Today we took another big chunk out. I had to get rid of a table and a bookcase because this apartment is small!

Yesterday Felicia, the girls and I went to Ruby Tuesday for dinner. It was nice, we rarely get to go out like that. I was glad I ended up with them instead of Tres Pesos drinking the night away.... again.

Well, nothing relevant here (as if I ever post anything relevant)... just a random post I guess.



Fabi's work update

• Pretty (When Felicia does her hair we say "Look, how pretty" or just pretty. So she caught on)
  
• Pow Pow (When we threaten or have spanked her)

PAH-TEE!

So yesterday neither Felicia nor me reported to our respective jobs because we were sick as hell. Probably something we ate and I don’t care to go into details… hehe.

Well, Felicia progressively hates her job more and more. I can understand how she feels because although Time Warner was not as bad as CIGNA, they are kinda the same. It is bullshit there, not only does she only get two ten-minute breaks and a half an hour lunch but she is EXPECTED to take 100 calls per day. Calls from pissed off customers, providers and nursing staff dealing with the neglects of the company. I can only imagine what type of hell they go through because they are practically enslaved to their desks with stats on how fast they took the call, how long, how long it took them to expedite it, to hang up, to wrap up, etc, etc… They are treated like machines rather than humans.

Well, Greg from Donkey Punch invited us to a Halloween party on the 30th. Of course, we MUST dress up. I was planning on going as Otis from House Of 1000 Corpses.



But since I don’t have any contacts the costume will look dorky if I wear my rimmed glasses. I am now in desperate need for another costume where I can wear my glasses cuz I’m legally blind without them. Any ideas? (And no, I will not dress up like Bill Gates or fucking WALDO!!!)

We finally ordered our digital cable that will be installed on Saturday. I need to set up all the games, DVD’s, VCR’s and other paraphernalia before they show up cuz those damn techs are lazy as a motherfucker. I can’t wait for cable… it’s been like 6 months without cable due… IT SUCKS ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Update on Fabi’s words…

• Ahi Viene (Here “he/she” comes)
  
• Coca (Coke)
  
• Cheese
  
• Papa (food)
  
• Ice
  
• Tati (which she uses to refer to any baby or doll)
  
• Tee (which is her version of “Aqui” that mean “Here”)
  
• Thank you
  
• Hola
  
• Hi

And when I remember more I will post more… I haven’t been able to post more pics cuz I have not Internet at home. But I will update soon

Bye.

SPANISH MUCH?

So, at Felicia's and my mom's insistence, we opted to wait a few days and post more babysitter flyers to see if we can find some poor illegal teenager that we can exploit for $100 per week. I feel bad for my mom but fortunately, starting tomorrow Ricky agreed to help her until Monday with the girls since, for whatever reason, he doesn't have classes. Hopefully we can find said babysitter.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I found the most hilarious blog a few weeks ago. It's called the Idiot Roommate Blog. The author's roommate reminds of Casey, a roommate that Clay, my former roommate in college had during his last year at Ai. This dude was a compulsive fucking liar not to mentioned that everything we said or did, either he or someone he knew had already done it and a million times better, faster and more efficient than us. He was a fucking nutcase... We were watching Hackers and I said, "Damn, it must be cool to be a hacker." and he said "Been there, done that". We were watching a martial arts show on ESPN and Clay said, "Those guys are awesome.", Casey said... you guessed it, "Been there, done that" (he claimed to be a black belt on something but I kicked his ass one time I forget what for). He smelled bad, he rarely left his room, he was weird and he was always trying to sound smarter than he was. Now, he was a smart person (as opposed to the guy in the blog), but he thought of himself as misunderstood genius or something. Oh, well, that was back in '98 though... that blog took me back to my college years... Anyway, check it, it's funny.

RANDOMNESS

We have been in our new apartment since September 25 (the day of my Bday by the way) and we still haven't fixed the place up. Everything is still boxed up and the clothes are scattered all over the bedroom. The apartment is tiny, much, much smaller than the one in Pineville. Of course, it is also much cheaper. I really want this apartment to be more habitable than the one in Pineville. We have agreed to take the entire weekend fixing it up so it would be ready by the weekend following. We plan to throw like a little cookout or something for close friends and family just for the fuck of it.

Financially, we're still in the hole but it seems that we've been doing better. Aside from the $30 we, idiotically spent on Sunday when we went to Tres Pesos with Ryan and Jessica. I had two beers, that alone was $7. Oh well, I need to control my impulses. I am an impulse buyer though and it's hard to control my impulses.

Last night we put up some flyers around our new complex for a babysitter. Earlier today I received a call from a very nice lady. We spoke and she sounded nice and eloquent (as opposed to the obviously rural uneducated slang of Nublia's dad). But she said for the money we were offering it will be virtually impossible to find someone to take care of the girls at home with my mom. Sadly, we cannot afford anymore. Neither Felicia nor my mom value her opinion because, well, because she's a prospect employee so to speak so she'd obviously want more money. I don't know, my mom is in desperate need for some help...

I told you guys I joined that online beer loving group called Donkey Punch. It's been going great. These guys are hilarious and a bunch of bastards but they are cool as hell. Unfortunately I haven't had the change to meet them yet. Mostly because I can't go out for two main reasons. The first is the money issue and the second is because I lost my ID and I can't get another one. I actually lost my wallet and all my info. I have to get another SS card and other info before I can get a picture ID because you NEED A PICTURE ID TO GET A PICTURE ID?!?!?!?!?! WTF?



That's all... bye.

I HAVE TO DO BETTER WITH UPDATING THIS THING

Yeah, I need to do better at updating my blog, but I wish you guys posted more often if for nothing else but to placate my ego and making me believe these rambles actually entertain or amuse somebody! (that was a cry for help.. hehe).

So much, has happened... let me see, OH yeah, remember how I said the babysitter quit? Well, she quiet on a Friday and by that Sunday evening her dad called me saying she could go back one more week. I was like fine, I'll pick her up tomorrow. Well, on Monday, she calls me at 11:16 am to tell me she would be unable to do it... at 11:16 IN THE FUCKING MORNING!!! I was already on my way to pick her up. She better be glad I was also heading her way to go to work otherwise she would have gotte cussed the FUCK OUT! So I let it go and my mom is taking care of the girls for me now. I hate it, I feel like shit because I know it's physically exhausting for her to deal with a toddler and an infant. We tried to seek help from Felicia's grandmother but she gave us what I consider to be the most disgusting answer I have ever heard from a family member to another. But out of respect to Felicia I will not go into details.

My relationship with Felicia fluctuated to the "good" side again. We're doing good again and obviously being content, comfortable, and in love with each other more times than not. This weekend she got her "hair did". She got some "wet and wavy" (I think that's what she calls them) braids. They look awesome and she's happy because she had been unable to braid her hair in like six months or something. Sunday we spent most of the day together. We went to some Catholic Church sponsored kermesse (which I guess in English is spelled kermis) that SUCKED ASS!!! They had a bunch of stands but most were empty or only had a bunch of people sitting doing nothing. They had a pony ride for the kiddies and a couple of inflatable jumping ride thingies. They had a shitty DJ who only played a song every 15 minutes or so and there really was nothing to do but stand around and do nothing. Ryan and Jessica were with us so about an hour into it we decided to go eat (cuz the food there did not look appetizing). We ended up in Tres Pesos and hung out for a while. They then invited us to their house to see their wedding pictures and wedding DVDs. We had a good time, we are finally able to hang out with another married couple and have mutual friends that we both like... that's good.

Today, back to the grind at work. I had my evaluation from when I was fucking up and I have improved almost completely. I still have to work on a little requeue quirk but it should be fixed by this week. I'm pretty bored with work but I don't hate it or feel trapped. I'ts more like a sense of dullness when I am here... time seems to stop when I am here, and I don't mean in a usual I can't wait to get out of work type thing, I mean as in the monotony of the calls and the process of my office. You could be sitting in this desk 10 minutes or 5 hours and you wouldn't be able to tell the difference. It's hard to explain it... the whole day goes by like a perpetual eye blink... you can close your eyes and open them immediately and 3 or 4 hours have passed. Not in a good way... not in the, "cool, I only have "x" amount of hours left to go" time has passed way. More in like... "Wow, did I just cease to exist for the last four hours?!?!" type of way.

Today, my mom said she was getting tired of the girls so I have to find a babysitter by the end of this week. Tonight we will go out and post the flyers cuz to be honest, we haven't posted any up! Aren't we just horrible and inconsiderate parents??!?!?!?!

The girls themselves have been doing great... In the past few months Fabi has added to her vocabulary words like Vamonos (which means Let's go in Spanish), Hooray, Ice Cream, Uncle, Auntie, Michael (Her little cousin's name) and like 50 others that I just can't think of right now. She also loves to dance to If you're happy and you know it. She follows along all the instructions on the song like clapping her hands, stomping her feet, etc. She also loves The ants go marching and she also follows what the songs says like when it says the little ant stops to suck his thumb she starts sucking her thumb too. But she only knows the song up to when they march to three. She learns all the songs from a DVD we bought her called Kid's favorite songs 2.


I really recommend this if you have little kids that jump around all day, they will fall in love with it and leave you alone for a while!

Tati also loves the songs in the DVD despite she's only 8 months old. She loves On top of spaghetti and If you're happy and you know it. Tati, can't follow along the instructions cuz she's very young and kinda chubby... hehe... she just flails about with the biggest, chubbiest grin on her face. She's so chubby, Serg calls her "PIGGIE". HEHEHEH... little piggie.

Anyway, I guess I am tired of typing.... I will definitely try to keep up with this more often.

Whenever I’m alone with you, you make me feel like I am home again.
Whenever I’m alone with you, you make me feel like I am whole again.

Whenever I’m alone with you, you make me feel like I am young again.
Whenever I’m alone with you, you make me feel like I am fun again.

Whenever I’m alone with you, you make me feel like I am free again.
Whenever I’m alone with you, you make me feel like I am clean again.

However far away, I will always love you
However long I stay, I will always love you
Whatever words I say, I will always love you.

Last Thursday I went to pick up my new glasses because 10 days prior (that’s how long it takes them to get you new glasses, I found out) my old pair broke and my dumb ass never got a back up pair. Anyway, I went to Visionworks in Carolina Place Mall. While I was there I went and, mostly out of randomness, bought Felicia a greeting card from Hallmark Gold Crown. The card (if I can I will scan it later), was actually a square made out of rugged cardboard rather than the glossy rectangular kind (made it look more rustic) and in the front it had, in what looked like very transparent water color, two cherries and said “I love you”. The inside was completely blank except for, in small, simple letter, “It’s as simple and as complicated as that.” I thought the card accurately expressed how I am currently feeling. I took it upon myself to write the above lyrics on it with another personal message. She started ballin’!! haha… but she really appreciated the gesture and I felt good about myself. I like giving her things here and there… I know it doesn’t make up for the lack of communication or actually having a marriage.

Today is the babysitter’s last day too. We need a babysitter urgently because my mom cannot handle both of those little spawns by herself. Felicia said she’ll talk to her grandmother but I don’t know what’s going on with that yet. We are trying to split the girls with two family members until we can get another babysitter. We’re pretty much looking for another young girl, preferably illegal (money issues) who can work for about $100 a week. I made the flyer below… what do you think?



I saw the presidnetial debate last night... Just thought I'd mentioned that... lol.

DUBLIA, OR WHATEVER HER FUCKING NAME IS

Everyday I have to be woken up by the girls usually earlier than I really want to. Then I have to change them, clean them, feed them (if there's food in the house), fix their hair (to the best of my very, very limited abilities) then I have to clean, change and do my hair (again, to the best of my very, very limited abilities). On top of that, I have to pick up Dublia (The babysitter, whose real name is not Dublia and she's told us several times what her name is but it just won't stick. But that's ok because she calls Larissa Melissa) and drive her to my mom's house. It used to not be that big of a problem cuz she used to live in the same complex we did, but since we moved now I have to go the opposite way of my my mom's house into Pineville to pick her up, then drive back into town to my mom's house in Charlotte. All this, on top of Tati's new spoiled level where she cries every morning for the entire process I described above, has created an extremely hectic, fast paced, stressful and unbearable morning routine. By the time I am done and ready to go to work I am emotionally and physiologically exhausted.

Anyway, today, I woke up (well, Tati woke me up) at about 8:30 am and Fabi woke up shortly after. I started getting them ready and decided that I would bathe at my mom's house to save time and things not be so hectic (Fabi tends to give me a hard time when I go in the bathroom to take a shower). Well, I was out of the house by 10 or so. When I get to my mom's I found out she's not there... she's, as per usual, out shopping. So after I waited for a little bit I decided to call her because I hadn't taken a shower or picked up Dublia and it was already almost 11. She told me she'll be there shortly. She ends up showing up about 10 after 11 and by the time I am done showering an changing it's already like 20 til noon.

I try to go to Dublia's and pick her up but by the time I get to Pineville is already like 10 til... Fuck it! I am going to work, I am not gonna be late again. So I go to work and I call her to let her know I won't get her til like 2:30 pm during my break to take her to my mom's.

At 2:30 I park in front of her apartment and she didn't show up. I left and she didn't work today. Here's why I rambled about this, should I pay her for the day because it was me who was unable to pick her up? I mean, she was ready at 11 as she should be. I was the one who couldn't make it. Or should I not pay her cuz she didn't work? Also taken into consideration that I did tell her I was going to pick her up at 2:30 pm and she was not there.

What should I do?

VICIOUS CIRCLE

We finally moved...

The move was hectic, unorganized, depressing, stressful, unnecessary and a bunch of other negative adjectives I won't get into... just like, it seems, everything else in our life at this moment.

Financially, we're still scraping the bottom of the barrel to get by. We practically live off my mom and my brother (which has stripped me of all self pride both as a man and as a family member which in turn hurled me into this cesspool of agony and depression.)

Lately I've noticed a huge change in my demeanor. Everything that revolves around me seems to be drowning or desecrating. My marriage, my personal life, my work, my family, my daughters, my friends, my sanity... everything is warping, skewing, tugging and pulling in ways I never imagined. This has caused me to become edgier, angrier, less patient with the girls and felicia, more vicious and hurtful towards my peers and friends. Overall, I'm becoming an angry, bitter, self hating middle aged man.

At times, I feel that all this is not worth fighting for... at times it feels like nothing matters because things will never get better. Me and Felicia live in this pathetic bubble, lying to ourselves that things are gonna get better, things will change, it can't be like this forever.... yeah right! Things WON'T Change, THEY'RE NOT GONNA GET BETTER AND IT WILL BE LIKE THIS FOR FUCKING EVER!!!!

We don't have a life, you can't call what we do living... we just float linearly, mostly by instinct or habit in an automaton daze... asked me what I did this weekend, or two days ago... I have no fucking clue!!! I can't tell one day from the other... I can't tell if I am alive or dreaming. Constant struggle to piece my life in chronological order, if for nothing else but to keep a rational account of my own life. Sadly, that's the only constant in my lives right now.

The girls, we love them, I would give my life for them but they are literally driving me, and probably Felicia too, insane. We rarely get to talk to each other much less spend quality time together. We don't have a marriage... we are just two people stuck in a situation. We're constantly arguing too, she probably doesn't see it that way (she never does until I point it out), but I see how we are always getting upset at each other. We're more sensitive to each other's quirks and less attentive to those little things that made us fall in love with each other. Everything seems to be a constant battle of how, where and when to do things. FUCK!!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK!! We haven't even been married two fucking years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I disgust myself, my life disgusts me, my job digusts me, my demeanor, my lifestyle... everything except for Felicia and the girls disgusts me. I guess this is what they meant when they told me I would fail at life, huh?

BLING BLING

Today started off as normal... Then at about 12:15 pm, my supervisor sent me a message to meet him in the "counseling/training" room... I almost shit my pants. I was like OH SHIT!!! I'm fucking fired or something! I couldn't think of why since I had done everything perfect since I got that final warning earlier. Anyway, when I finally go in there he told me that I got a SALARY INCREASE!!!!

I almost shit my pants again!!!!!!!!!! So that made the rest of the day much, much better!!! I was like, Fuck it if I only had potato chips for lunch... I got a pay raise!

Later though, I made a tiny budget of the expenses we have to liquidate by this Friday. With our checks combined, again... we will only have $100 left for food, gas and everything else... depression sunk in again.

When I spoke to Felicia I found myself telling her that I didn't want this anymore, that I was tired of trying, tired of our lives and our financial situation. She tried, futilely, to reassure me that thing were gonna get better and we would eventually champion this situation... yeah... right... we've been saying that for two years... I know I made her feel like shit... I didn't meant to. I took it out on her and all she was trying to do was make me feel better.

I'm sorry baby.

I will try to apologize when I get home and make things better... Well, I guess I should be glad of the pay increase and hopefully this will be the beginning of a new stage in our lives.


1. What is the most humane way to kill an animal?
Eat it

2. When is it acceptable to ignore someone?
When they annoy or piss me off

3. Why do people ask questions when they know the answer already?
Cuz they're blithering idiots

SICK OF IT ALL

Last night The Bean spent the night at my mom's house. Which is to stay, after we put Tati (Fabianna started calling Larissa Tati a few months ago but we're not really sure why. We believe she was trying to say "baby" but couldn't. Anyway, now we all call her Tati and for some reason my mom calls her "Tatiana"... sadly, now I started calling her "Tatiana" too) in her crib to let herself cry to sleep I got a pretty good night's rest. Unfortunately, that made it near impossible for me to get up this morning and since The Bean wasn't around to wake me up, I almost overslept.

I looked around the house and it was, as per usual, trashed. It started depressing me and I wanted to just leave... leave the fucking dump and not come back. I bathed and quickly took Tati and left to my mom's house. I was almost late. I continually borrow money from my mom because sometimes we are really hitting rock bottom financially. Lately, she's really made me feel like shit about. I don't borrow the money to fuck around... I usually borrow it to get food, gas or things for the girls like diapers or something. Although now Felicia is working too, our debts and bills are sucking all our money up the same day we receive it.

Creating the budget for our paychecks this weekend, we already owe all of it (both mines and hers) but approximately $100. WHAT THE FUCK ARE SUPPOSED TO DO WITH $100 FUCKING DOLLARS??????!!!!!! Anyway, that, on top of my mom's shitty comments this morning started off the day poorly.

Work is bearable... same ol' shit. During lunch I go home and all I am able to find this time was a massively can of tuna (in Oil no less!!!!!!) and some crackers. There's my lunch... then I start again, looking around the house and see the fucking shithole we live in... I can't believe we have a toddler and an infant living in that pig's pen. Then on my way to the bathroom in the girl's room I noticed a brand new pair of pumps Felicia bought, at my insistence, a couple of weeks ago.

The shoes had not been worn since they were purchased... just sitting there, next to the tv... brand fucking new. I know last week sometimes she'd told me she wanted to exchange hence she had not wore them. I convinced her that she should keep them because they were not expensive (Payless) and I would buy her another pair this week. She was fine with that. My goal was too see her wear the pair so she can enjoy them and then I could give her another to ALSO enjoy this week. When I saw them this afternoon it bothered me a little bit that she hadn't worn them.

Then later that day I called her on the phone and we started talking. For some idiotic reason, I told her about not wearing the shoes and being a waste of money and we could have used that money to buy other things and blah blah blah... She keeps unapologetic and defensive which only fueled my frustration. She was like she didn't know she had to wear them within a certain time limit and blah blah blah.... (notice my attention to detail when we argue, lol). It isn't about that, it's about ackowleding the fact that she's constantly complaining about not having nice clothes or shoes for work. Then having them, and me trying to encourage her not to return them and buy another so she'd have TWO, yes count them, TWO! nice pairs of shoes, and letting them go to fucking waste!!! That's what bothered me the most.

Then she, I guess, got tired of arguing and said we'd talk later.... I don't want to talk about it anymore, but I know we will after I get home from work... After all, I brought it up, right? SHIT! I am so tired of the way things are right now... I am frustrated with my life as a person, a husband, a father, an employee, a son and a brother... I am just tired and fed up. I want it all to go away sometimes... all of it... just disappear (that reminded me of Home Alone, damn that movie was pure unadulterated shit!)... go away, if only for a few days.... Who needs some weed?!

UNEVENTFUL

Well, Labor day weekend SUCKED ASS!!! On Saturday my family threw a little cook out and I ended up staying up until like 5 am drinking. The following day I had probably the worst hang over I've had in years. I realized it was caused by not going to sleep when I wanted to. At about 4 I told Gene that I wanted to go home but he insisted on going to Steak and Shake. So we did and that's when I realized I don't lose control when I am drunk until I don't want to be awake anymore. Needless to day, I lost it cuz I didn't want to be awake anymore. I threw up all over their bathroom and shit. It was nasty. After I went home I had a restless night and the headache woke me up the following morning. I was able to shake the hangover until late that afternoon. From now on, is on to sleep as soon as my body demands to.

Sunday morning Felicia, my mom, the girls and I went to the Barnyard II Flea Market



We had a really good time, of course, the little-tornado-formerly-known-as-Fabianna came out with a ridiculous amount of toys, clothes and goodies cuz she wouldn't put anything down after she picked it up. I bought a first release, almost mint condition Saturday Night Fever Soundtrack LP for $1!!!



It currently goes for about $30 but I don't think the little Mexican lady selling it knew that. I will go back soon because I saw some other awesome albums there that I want. We also bought a double stroller for the girls and had some good ass NY style pizza. All in all, it was a good day.

Monday, I spent most of the day just lounging around watching TV. For the past few weeks I've been really getting into these two books. One is about a virus that wipes out most of the world's civilization (think The Stand without the whole good against evil shit and more from a scientist's POV or if you don't read think 28 Days Later) and the other is about flying saucers... I kinda just started that one so I'm not too sure what the fuck is going on. The first on is called The Blood Artists and the second one is called Spinners. I don't know why I mentioned this since it really has nothing to do with anything... but at least now you know what I am reading.

We're still looking for an apartment. But since I lost my ID, I have to get a new one before we can go in an visit any of them. Hopefully I will get one tomorrow or the day after.

I guess that's it...

F.T.W.

Hello...

well, I took Fabi to the doctor today. She's doing good but still a little concerned about her asthma. Ms. Grubbs gave her more medication, chewable tables and a nose inhaler.

Ummm... I'm pretty tipsy.

I joined a yahoo group for people who love beer in charlotte...

Donkey Punch

They seem to be as polictically incorrect, ininhibeted as I....

I think I like them already.

Also found an essay on black punks in the U.S. Undergound scene.... I knew abut D.H. Peligo, Poly Styrene, Fishbone and Bad Brains... aside from that... this was all new to me and I consider myself a punk conisseour.

Black Punk

Worked sucked as per usual.

Went out with Serg and my mom to Tres Pesos, a local Mexican food joing with awful service. We discussed old classic Mexican TV comedy shows... I think I will make one of mine infamous lists about that soon. I have a pretty good idea what I want in it..

I guess that's it, My Guiness is getting warm... and I am not European so I like it cold....

ABUR!

(sorry about the spelling, too drunk to care about it)

I THINK I AM BACK....

Ok, you can stop your weeping, "I" is back!

Well, so many things have happened since I last wrote on here even though it hasn't even been that long ago. I guess I should start with the reason that made me stop wanting to update my blog.

About two or three weeks ago (I try to block out the exact date), we put Fabi to sleep with a little cold. Nothing major, just a runny nose and dry coughing. Before we put her to sleep that night, we gave her some of that Infant's Tylenol (I don't know if this had anything to do with it, but I know we did). When I woke up the following morning Felicia had already gone to work and I had to take the girls to my mom's house. I noticed that she was not being herself... she was weak and didn't really want to play. A few minutes later I noticed that she was breathing rapidly and in short bursts. Her belly went in and out in a weird way. At first I didn't think much of it but as the morning progressed it started getting worse and worse. On our way to our mom's house she just sat on her little chair not saying anything... just breathing in short bursts... by this point I was getting really worried but I had no clue what to do. I kept telling her to take a nap but she just stared at me. When I got to my mom's house I was almost in tears out of frustration and ignorance. I told my mom and she didn't know what to do. I called the pediatrician and they admitted her immediately.

Once the doctor put her on a nebulizer (or whatever they're called) and gave her treatment she was able to control the flare. Nurse Grubbs (the same one I ranted and raved about being the perfect nurse, which I still think she is) deservingly scolded me really bad for not brining her in earlier. She later told me Fabianna was breathing approximately 85 times per minutes and if I had waited a couple of more hours to bring her, she could have gone into respiratory arrest and died. You cannot begin to fathom how much of an impact that comment alone has had in me to this day. I am still surprised at myself that I didn't break down when she told me this.

So, she gave us some medication and we had to buy a nebulizer thingy. After that, trying to make sure she kept the nebulizer mask on was just heartbreaking. After I explained Felicia she had asthma she broke down crying and also fell into a bit of depression for a couple of days. For the first few days I was unable to let anything settle in... I was too busy trying to eliminate her flare (cuz it takes a few days) to really let anything sink in. I was trying to have her put the mask on and make sure she didn't take it off, I had to distract her, play with her, talk to her, do whatever I had not to let this one and a half year old baby take a clunky, uncomfortable mask spewing gas up her mouth and nose off.

hat Thursday though, I remember clearly how I was in my mom's den with Felicia and I had to put the mask on her. She was trying to fight it so I had to pick her up and try to distract her... I guess, at that exact moment it hit... seeing her like that... I couldn't take it anymore. I felt it was so unfair, so fucked up... I became sad and angry at the same time and I had to walk out. I gave Fabi to Felicia and I almost ran out of the house so nobody saw me (cuz I'm that type of macho man... lol).

Outside I was unable to hold a though in my head for more than a mere second. I was trying to make sense of it. I was trying to justify God, yes God, for what he had done to my little daughter. I became more and more upset and I felt spiraling down further and letting my anger just take over. I think I would have lost myself in it if at that exact time, Fabi came outside holding my mom's hand looking for me... she kept saying, "papa, papa". Fuck, I'm a father... At that time, I just turned around and tried to pretend nothing was wrong of course. But since, then, I also haven't questions God why he did what he did to my little daughter... and no, I have no idea what the fuck that means.

Since then, every time I saw her with her mask on I felt horrible... She got better at it as the days progressed. Eventually she sat through a whole session without trying to take it off. She understood what we were doing... she knew how the mask was supposed to fit on her, sometimes the turned the machine on and off herself... not to say that this made it any easier on my emotionally. By Sunday night, the time of her last dose, her flare had died out. I must say thought that, although as I've been told by some people when I tell them about, "it could have been much worse" (NO FUCKING SHIT, DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT'S ANY FORM OF CONFORT YOU FUCKING CUNTRAG?!?!), it was one of the most difficult times of my life... I wasn't able to really sleep or eat that well. But at least, now I know what to do if it happens again.

Ok, I really got choked up while writing that... so I'm gonna talk about something else now.

Let's see... ummm, what else?

Financially we've been doing a little better. We're staring to move in the right path at least. We are paying a lot of the bills, loans and debts so hopefully we will be back on track soon.

Felicia hates Sabal Park now. Our lease is up on September 30 and I told her we were not ready to move she still wanted to. So, today I put in the 30 day notice and lighter a few candles hoping and praying (YES! Praying! Imagine me praying!!!) that we find an apartment in 30 days and that we are able to pay for everything. No turning back now on that aspect, it's do or die... well, maybe not die but do or a damn shelter! LOL.

Oh, we found a babysitter! Her name.. well, we haven't really figured out yet... it's something like Nubliana, Nublialis, Nubliaya or something... but her dad told us to just call her Nublia... most of us just call her, "hey". Anyway, she's this 17-year-old (but actually looks like 15), probably illegal girl from San Luis Potosi. She's very quiet, or so she acts but I don't really think she is. I think she's a little bit spoiled and did not come from a really, really poor family in Mexico. I base this on the way she looks, dresses and her hair (it's died a few different colors, kinda punkish). On her third day on the job she asked Felicia to drop take her to Wal Mart (because I go pick her up at her house and she drops her off) and when they got there, after suspiciously looking around as if for someone, she changed her mind and ask Felicia to take her home. When they got to her house, a guy about her age was waiting for her outside. The funny thing is, she's only been in Charlotte less than two weeks!!!! I think the chick gets around... LOL. She also has the habit of not looking you in the eye... that's weird. She rarely talk to me, she really only answers my questions and that's it. The only time she's asked me something was about Felicia. Now, from what Felicia tells me, she talks to her and my mom at length. She also seems to be very interested in Felicia and what she does at work. I don't know... she's odd.. hehe.

Last Friday I got a final warning at work. Well, I got two reprimands but only one was a final warning. The first one was because I am constantly late to work... I can't seem to make it on time. As a matter of fact, I was 6 minutes late today!! Brian said we'll keep working on it for another 90 days and see what's up. The final was because I alone requeued (for those call center lingo challenged that means I bounced back a call into the telephone system instead of answering it) 20% of the call center's total requeue in the span of 3 months. In case you don't know what that means... it means I AM NOT DOING MY FUCKING JOB!!!!!, lol. Anyway, I think the past few months my life has been a shithole and it really reflected on my job. But now I will try to do better (as if I've never said that before and nothing happened). I am getting tired of typing.

Felicia hates her job... Felicia hates her job... Felicia hates her job... Felicia hates her job... Felicia hates her job... Felicia hates her job... Felicia hates her job... Felicia hates her job... Felicia hates her job... Felicia hates her job... Felicia hates her job... Felicia hates her job... Felicia hates her job... Felicia hates her job... Felicia hates her job... Felicia hates her job... and she's trying to get another one. I don't blame her, I would hate that slave driver company as well. I feel bad for her, I wish she didn't have to work... I wish I could say, fuck it baby, we can live comfortably with my paycheck.. but I can't. I wish she finds something else soon because I don't want her to be there suffering. I don't even work there and I hate it too... lol.

We still haven't been able to do anything nice for our one year anniversary. Although when we have the time and money, I will make it worth her while cuz I already have everything planned and budgeted. She will soooooo give me some that night!!! LOL. On the 25th of this month is my 29th birthday... twentyfuckingnine!!! Jesus F. Christ, what the fuck happened to my life?!


ok bye... I'm tired of typing.

Wednesday Whatevers.

1. Other than identity, do names serve any other purpose?
To strike fear in the heart of the wicked

2. How is slang invented?
How the fuck am I supposed to know?

3. Is it better to loved and lost, or not loved and not hurt? Why?
Not loved and not hurt because if you're as shallow and immature as I am, you would have the rest of your life to be irresponsible.

HIATUS

Due to recent developments in my personal life my blog will not be updated until I muster the desire to. Fabi was just diagnosed with asthma and I can't focus on anything for more than a few minutes before reverting to a state of depression, anger and disgust towards life. Nothing good could come out of those feelings so I decided to stop until I can realistically get a hold of our current situation.