Ok, so, life has gotten from bad to worse to borderline suicidal at this point. I have never experienced, first hand the type of financial problems I've experienced in the past few months. It has robbed me of my dignity, my happiness, my ability to perform at work, my ability to cope with day-to-day problems and practically my sanity. I have reached rock bottom and there's nothing I can do about it but watch everything around me crumble to pieces. But there is something to be said about how I cope with things too. I procrastinate and allow things to reach irreversible conditions. I constantly pity myself for a day or two before I take action and charge of the situation. I allow things to get me depressed (or at least inside because I do not have the luxury as many others do to portray my depression) or in an emotional rollercoaster because these enormous problems fly at me consecutively. Because of this, I missed work last Thursday and Friday. I was unable to muster the psychological and emotional stability to sit in a 4x6 hellhole and hear other people's complaints for 8 fucking hours... the mere thought of it, in my overemotionally drugged stupor sent a sense of anxiety and inconsolable sadness through my body and felt it tingling from arms all the way down the to the tips of my fingers.... I am sooooooo fucking melodramatic... but alas, it's true. Ok, I will not go into any more details about my problems any more than I did above... I will try to focus in this blog on the good things and moments in the past few days.
So, after I calmed down a bit, Eugene suggested that I needed to distract myself and get piss drunk and forget about everything if only for a few hours. At the time, the idea seemed brewed in none other than Aristotle himself! So, we went bowling since that's what we've been enjoying lately. Since was with the girls, I opted to take them to the bowling alley with me. My mom and Ricky also came along. We had a good time and I bowled three strikes in a row!!!! HELL YEAH, I do believe that's called a turkey... LOL. After that, I dropped the girls off with Felicia and my mom and Ricky stayed there. Still feeling extreme and ill-placed rancor not only towards my situation but God him/herself (fill in with whatever strikes your fancy there), we opted to go to Wild Wing and get blitz beyond consciousness.... sadly, we achieved our goal. After many and many beers, JagerBombs and Goldschlager shots we went home and all I can remember was diving into the makeshift bed that was laid in my mom's living room for me.
Due to the hangover, I'm not exactly sure what happened to Friday or Saturday.
On Sunday, Felicia, the girls and me had the best time we've had in a long, long time. We went to Cherry park in Rock Hill and had a little picnic. We took some drinks, a $5 pizza from Little Caesars, a little radio and we spent a few hours there. The bean was all over the play pen with the other kids, we listened to music, we talked, we read, we rested, we were a family.... a happy normal family! I had not had that feeling since I was younger and my parents would take us out in outing like that... It was really helpful and lifted my spirits way more than drinking myself into a de-evolution of sorts on Thursday night... lol. Sadly though, Sunday ended in a bad and sour note that is still dragging until today.
So, here I am now... sitting in a 4x6 hellhole listening to other people complaint for 7 hours and 45 minutes now. I feel awful and lonely... I just found out my phone has been disconnected due to excessive payments (Rimshot!). During lunch today, which I had alone, I received a letter from the IRS stating I owe them over $7000 because allegedly I worked someone in Colorado in 2002 and made $32,000 more than I filed on my taxes. OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!!! DOES IT EVER END?????? We've been through this IRS, and we thought we'd solved this one. Apparently someone stole my SSN back in either 2000 or 2001 (probably some goddamn wetback friend of my wetback ex girlfriend or the wetback family I moved in with when I first came to this state with my goddamed wetback ex girlfriend... or maybe a goddamed wetback who moved into the apartment at Lakeside after I moved out and got my mail or something...)Fuck! I don't know, bottom line is someone stole it and according to the IRS in 2001 I made over $70,000 and in 2002 I made over 100,000 (apparently my identity was stolen by either a rich goddamned wetback or a hard working goddamned wetback). So, apparently we had this one solved but that doesn't seem to be the case.... here we go again, as if I need this shit in my life right now. Well, isn't life swell? Now, all I can think of is drinking myself to sleep again like I did on Thursday... is this how alcoholics begin their careers as... ummm... well, alcoholics?
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