CASE OF THE MONDAYS

AND THE AWARD FOR MOST DUBIOUS PIECE OF BRANDLESS, NAMELESS CANDY IN A HANNAH MONTANA CUP GOES TO THIS MONSTROSITY.


NOT THAT I WAS ABLE TO MUSTER THE BALLS TO TRY IT SINCE THE CONSISTENCY OF PRE-CHEWED BUBBLE GUM KILLED ALL CURIOSITY.


PLEASURE TYME: SLUMBER PARTY DISTRIBUTIOR... DAMN MY HIGH SCHOOL COUNSELOR FUCKED ME OVER! BE A SOLUTIONS CONSULTANT HE SAYS, YOU'LL BE GOOD AT IT...


FLOWERS ARE BLOOMING IN OUR BACKYARD... HUH, NEVER THOUGHT I'D NOTICE SHIT LIKE THAT.


WHEN YOU RUN OUT OF SPAGHETTI SAUCE, THROW IN SOME GARLIC, BUTTER, OREGANO AND FROZEN SHRIMP AND YOU'LL BE BETTER OFF ANYWAY. OH, DON'T FORGET THE TOAST AND BUTTER TO GIVE IT THAT REAL, PSEUDO-ITALIAN TOUCH!


IF YOU'RE A DOUCHEBAG WITH NO TASTE IN MUSIC AND HAVE NEVER HEARD OF TRICKY HANG YOUR HEAD IN SHAME AND THEN GO LISTEN TO IT. START OFF WITH MAXINQUAYE.


FROM THE PAGES OF "I CAN MAKE IT MYSELF! BIBLE STORY CRAFTS FOR PRESCHOOLERS*:
The Prodigal Son: A boy ran away from his father. The father was very worried and never stopped loving his son. When the boy finally returned, instead of being mad, the father rejoicedthat his lost son was now home. Use this craft to show kids how a missing boy can appear on their papers. The children will enjoy making other items appear and talking about how happy it makes them to see things come back. Bible Passage: Luke 15:11-24.


CUT OUT THE SHAPE OF A BOY FROM A PIECE OF CARDBOARD AND RUB A CRAYON OVER IT. SIMPLE, RIGHT?


TATI'S ATTEMPT


FABI'S ATTEMPT


NEITHER'S ATTEMPT AT CLEANING UP AFTERWARDS...

*I am not a very religious person, my ex wife is and by default so are the girls. FYI.

LAZY SUNDAY

CATCHING UP ON SOME READING BEFORE THE GIRLS WAKE UP.




EARLY MORNING TV FAMILY TIME.


WHEN YOU BUY A 5 & 4 YEAR OLD A FACE MASK MAKE SURE YOU HIDE IT WELL...


CHILLIN' IN THE BACKYARD... NOTHING TO DO.


PEOPLE SAY YOU SHOULD PLANT A TREE BEFORE YOU DIE... WE PLANTED A BUNCH OF DEAD STICKS AND FELT PRETTY GOOD ABOUT OURSELVES.


I CLEANED THE DEN... AGAIN, NOTHING TO DO.


THE CORNERSTONE OF EVERY NUTRITIONAL MEAL!


WHEN YOU HAVE TWO GIRLS, PAINTING TOENAILS IS THE EQUIVALENT OF TOSSING A FOOTBALL.

NO POINT IN WASTING THIS BLOG

I don't want this blog to go to waste. After all, on and off, I've kept it for quite a few years. I think from now on I will use it to simply post random picture of my everyday life. Like a photochronicle of sorts but without a real point to it.

I also have another blog about that monument of consumerism knows as the Dollar Tre. Check it out here.

SUNDAY

Sunday was great... well, aside from a common spat with the Missus, Sunday was awesome. Have you guys heard of Monkey Joe's? Well, if you have kids you prolly have and love it! I remember when I was growing up in Brownsville, TX we had something called Bobby Bear's which in essence was similar to Chuck E. Cheese's but with waaaay better games... they had shit like Laser Tag, a maze of punching bags, inflateables and of course arcades! Unfortunately, my parents never took us cuz we were just some poor Messicans. I think to this day the fact that I never went to Bobby Bear's has some sort of horric, unconscience effect on me. I think that is the sole reason why I can't act like a grown up and give up all this pop culture fascination bullshit.

Anyway... Monkey Joe's, aside from the name similarity, is NOTHING like Bobby Bear's. Monkey Joe's, unlike Bobby Bear's which was aimed towards kids 6+, targets kids from toddlers up. Monkey Joe's is pretty much a huge, indoors inflateable paradise. They have the coolest, biggest inflateables you've ever seen. The main one looks like an American Gladiator's The Eliminator! The beauty of Monkey Joe's is that parents are allowed to join their kids in every possible inflateable they have!

last Sunday the girls and I spent most of the day jumping, hopping, flipping, tumbling and running all over the darn place. It was one of the best workouts I've ever had! and it was hella fun!!!! If you have kids (actually even if you don't, borrow your sister's) and there's a Monkey Joe's in your town, check'em out. YOu'll have a blast and feel like a kid all over!

In other news, after Monkey Joe's we went to the Golden Corral and after stuffing myself like a disgusting pig for like 45 minutes I felt a little urge... So, I waltz my fat-ass to the rest and it is as revolting as a Mexican strip joint's. I mean, as soon as you walk in the stench of day-old piss and shit hits you. The floors are wet and nasty and the toilets have piss and shit in them. Then I remembered that almost every time I go the bathrooms are never clean... albeit, they're never THIS bad, but they're usually not very kept.

The conspiracy theory gears started turning and I began to realize that, had I taken a stinky load, I prolly would have been able to go back and cram a little more jumbo shrimp before I called it night. Then I thunk, well, since the bathrooms are always in a state where you don't wanna go anywhere near it, maybe they're doing this on purpose. Maybe they keep their bathrooms filthy so you don't take a stinky load and go back for another plate of jumbo shrimp! I mean, they can't use MSG anymore so this is their way of making sure you only eat so much. So, I am gonna start hitting all the Golden Corrals in the area to see if my theory is true. You should hit the ones in your town too! You never know!

Keeping in the tradition of sponsoring products that are only valuable to a struggling family of four, I give you Dr. Dazzle's retarded cousin...



buh bye!

TODAY

So, about an hour I waltzed into work today I received some perturbing news from my wife. No, I won't go into detail cuz that's not the purpose of this post. Anyway, sitting around te house Larissa bugged me enough to get me off my fat ass and do some "dacorations" (arts & crafts) with her. We started small... coloring, cutting and gluing some random strips of paper. Then we started coloring animals and the creativity juices started flowing.

Eventually, we got a box and started building a jungle puppet-set. We colored and cut out some animal prints from one of her coloring books and stuck them on some wooden sticks. We colored our jungle set and then put out a play. It was so much fun!!!

Our play wasn't exactly worthy of a Pulitzer... it barely even registered as anything more than random conversation but the girls loved their home-made set and have been playing all day since. Funny how little things like an empty box, some colors and glue can make the best toy! They just got back home as I was writing this and want to put on yet another play!!

I also took a quick 15-second video with my phone.

OKTOBERFEST ROCKED!!

Oktoberfest was everything I expected it to be and then some! We got there late (as usual) but it was well worth the $30. I was pretty blitz by the end of the night and threw up in my own car! hahahahaha... Fortunately, Felicia was the DD and I was in the back seat.

Check out some pics

OKTOBERFEST (yes, In September... I know, shut up!)

Oh bliss! Bliss and heaven! Oh, it it will be gorgeousness and gorgeousity made flesh. It will be like a bird of rarest-spun heaven metal or like silvery wine flowing in a spaceship, gravity all nonsense now.

Charlotte's Oktoberfest is tomorrow and am as happy as a pig in shit. 7 hours of unlimited samples of over 350 of the finest craft brewed beers from across the Southeast and around the world.

GOD HAVE MERCY!!!!!